This morning Ken phoned me soon after he left the house for work. It was early, but thanks to the second born who regularly gets up before anything else in this neighbourhood (including the birds) I was already wide awake since about 5ish. He told me to turn on the tv, there had been bombings in London.
I am sure I would have heard about it all by tonight. I was enjoying my morning, loving the fact that I didn't have to work today and could just stay home and hang out with the boys. Nicholas and I were playing with cars in the play room, Ethan was still sleeping. On mornings like this, the TV doesn't go on until about mid afternoon, so I find out about all the news when I turn on the computer.
I don't know what it is when you become a parent, but I have found that news like this hits me alot harder than it used to in my young and single days. I think about my family, and the protective mode sets in. I think about the families that have been touched by awful things that go on, and feel for them - what it is like to lose a husband, a child or a close family memeber in such a tragic event I cannot begin to comprehend. It makes me want to wrap my arms around my family and never, ever let them out of my sight. But I also know that our job as a parents is to love our kids with all our hearts, and help them to become wonderful, independent people.
I am noticing at Ethan gets older that he is getting more and more independent, and depending on me less and less. I have such mixed feelings when I see him at the park, able to conquer the playground equipement with such relative ease, whereas a year ago, I had to constantly help him. "I do it myself" is a constant reminder to me that I am not needed as much as I used to be. It makes me proud and scared all at the same time.
I am thankful every day that I have my family, and in particular, Nicholas. Looking at him, I often forget everything that he has been through in his short little life. He had heart surgery at three days old, and I have never felt so scared and helpless in my entire life. He is doing really well, and to look at him you would never know that he has had issues with his little ticker. Both Ken and I hope that is the most stressful thing we will ever have to deal with as far as our kids are concerned.
Extra big hugs today to all those who are near and dear to me.